1. Stop faking your fucking orgasms. Society already tells young men that they run the fucking universe - if they can’t turn your cunt into a shooting star then for god’s sake, let them know about it.
2. Once you’ve stopped faking your fucking orgasms, use this newfound honesty throughout the rest of your life - stop ordering coffee you don’t actually like; stop sitting at a desk and allowing people to treat you like shit in the hopes that a meek attitude will earn you a promotion (it won’t); stop telling people they can finish your food when you’re not actually done yet. These may seem petty, but they add up, just like every orgasm you didn’t actually get to have.
3. If you wanna dance all night, dance all fucking night. Dance all night even if you have work in the morning. The worst that will happen is you’ll drink RedBull all day and look like a zombie - pass it off as a head cold to the real zombies you work with and flick through the embarrassing photos you’re being tagged in as you pretend to take a shit for some peace and quiet. I promise, you’ll remember dancing all night in ten years, not the suspicious way your boss looked at you that morning.
4. If your ass looks big in that, that’s a good thing.
5. You will never be as young as you are this second. Embrace it.
6. Embrace the fact that you’re going to get older. Ask your boyfriend if he will still love you when you’re seventy and your tits are down to your knees. Look forward to this time - seventy year old women are allowed to do pretty much whatever they want, and no-one can stop them. You can carry candy in your bag and not share it with a single soul. You can stay home all day and cross-stitch expletives onto handkerchiefs for your grandchildren and slip them under the table out of sight of the people you raised. You can drink whisky at 10am. Every phase of your life is going to be amazing for different reasons. Embrace that.
7. A lot of people will pretend to love Bukowski. Don’t pretend to love Bukowski if you don’t love Bukowski. It’s overplayed and no-one will mind if you actually like Virginia Andrews instead - the people who do mind are boring.
Some more little life lessons,
by Daisy Lola. (via spearmintblonde
Lists were the provocations, finally, that caused my better stuff to surface. I was feeling my way toward something honest, hidden under the trapdoor on the top of my skull.
If you are a writer, or hope to be one, similar lists, dredged out of the lopside of your brain, might well help you discover you…
It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.
My philosophy is: It’s none of my business what people say of me, and think of me. I am what I am, and I do what I do. I expect nothing, and accept everything. And it makes life so much easier.
For the perfect idler, for the passionate observer it becomes an immense source of enjoyment to establish his dwelling in the throng, in the ebb and flow, the bustle, the fleeting and the infinite. To be away from home and yet to feel at home anywhere; to see the world, to be at the very center of the world, and yet to be unseen of the world, such are some of the minor pleasures of those independent, intense and impartial spirits, who do not lend themselves easily to linguistic definitions. The observer is a prince enjoying his incognito wherever he goes.
It evolved itself (I am severely scientific) out of a chaos of scraps of iron and behold! — it knits. I am horrified at the horrible work and stand appalled. I feel it ought to embroider — but it goes on knitting. You come and say: “this is all right; it’s only a question of the right kind of oil. Let us use this — for instance — celestial oil and the machine shall embroider a most beautiful design in purple and gold.” Will it? Alas no. You cannot by any special lubrication make embroidery with a knitting machine. And the most withering thought is that the infamous thing has made itself; made itself without thought, without conscience, without foresight, without eyes, without heart. It is a tragic accident — and it has happened. You can’t interfere with it. The last drop of bitterness is in the suspicion that you can’t even smash it. In virtue of that truth one and immortal which lurks in the force that made it spring into existence it is what it is — and it is indestructible!
It knits us in and it knits us out. It has knitted time space, pain, death, corruption, despair and all the illusions — and nothing matters.
Joseph Conrad on the universe
The BIG Girls Code: A Guide to Living LARGE and FABULOUS!
(photos: Jeff Newton Photography; dress:Unique Vintage; veil: The Sunflower Stand Etsy Shop)
It is a reaction against mainstream society that would have me branded as lazy and dumb.
I do not impose this code on anyone else. I chose to follow this simply because it is a creative way of making the beauty of my interior evident in my exterior. This is my way of being.
My BIG Girls Code:
1) I pledge never to leave my home without my hair back combed BIG and high with PRIDE.
2) I pledge never to leave my home without my makeup done, ENHANCING all my natural beauty.
3) I pledge always to wear clothes that fit tight, accentuating, and showing off all my CURVES. Not hiding my body behind over-sized clothes (pajamas and sweat pants are out of the question).
4) I pledge to have fun with what I wear: wearing bright colors, polka dots, stripes and things that sparkle, showing off my inner LIGHT.
5) I pledge never to wear a bag that is smaller than one half of my butt cheeks (this may sound silly, but having an itty bitty bag that hides under your armpit is not for me). I like extravagance and a bag that sends a message. BIGGER IS BETTER!
6) I pledge to work hard and give each task my one hundred percent, even taking on greater challenges to STANDOUT and SHINE.
7) I pledge to practice self-love by making an effort to pamper myself when I feel good, when I feel blue, or when I feel stressed (i.e. mani’s, pedi’s, face masks).
8) I pledge to try my best to be conscious of keeping my good health in two important areas: a) by putting more natural things in and on my body, feeling guilt-free when I slip up, and taking immense pleasure in eating; b) by practicing more of the physical activities I enjoy (i.e. dancing and jiggling my bits, making out, and having SEX).
- La Chica Mas Fina